October 2009
1 post
Why is there all this public outrage about de-funding ACORN, and yet companies like Blackwater USA can commit more heinous crimes and yet continue to get exponentially more money from the government than ACORN ever did?
September 2009
5 posts
You’d think that in this case, with some thing this black and white, regardless of political identification, people would be able to say; yes, maybe we made a mistake.
“If Tony Romo had this kind of protection, Jerry Jones wouldn’t have shit...”
– My professor commenting about intelligence agencies lack of willingness to share information
“In our every deliberation, we must consider the impact of our decisions on the...”
– Great Law of the Iroquois Confederacy (Maybe we should take that into account more often)
So, I’ve decided to start Tumblng again. There’s no real reason for the lay-off. Well, lazyness is a real reason, I guess. Anyway, since I’ve changed so much since my last update, I felt like I needed some sort of something to bridge the time gap. I feel that this needed some sort of delineation between the posts; I was going to call it giffsbrain 2.0, but as much as I’m...
May 2008
1 post
April 2008
7 posts
Wouldnt it be ironic if you were in a car accident, were thrown from your vehicle and would have landed unscathed in a patch of soft grass except you ended up impaled on one of those silly white crosses people put on the roadside where someone else died.
I heard a saying today, “There’s two things you don’t want the public to see how they’re made; Sausages and Laws.” I think we could safely say Little-Baby-Hands flavored jam is on that list.
Three separate times on the elevator at school I was alone with one other person. No words were exchanged with any of them, I was just staring out the window or sending a text message, but all three felt the need when they got out to say, “Have a good one!” Or “Take it easy!” I must seem very easy to talk to. Like a priest, just without the rampant pedophilia.
WatchThis is what America’s tax dollars paid us for. It’s quite possible we were drunk off of mouthwash and 0.5% alcohol. Take notice of the knife at 1:58. He later said that despite the months of convoys in Iraq, when he felt my knife against his forehead, that was his scariest moment of the tour.
Make mine medium rare with a side of adorable
I came to the realization today that my motive for wanting to save the enviroment is entirely predicated on the fact that I really really want to try a Panda steak. Rhinoceros burgers sound kinda tasty too
March 2008
2 posts
No habla espanol
Every now and then I answer the phone with a cheery “Bienvinedos.” I just found out that apparently my spanish isn’t that good and bienvinedos actually means “welcome.” Since no one mentioned this, I guess my friends are about as awesome at spanish as I am. I’m still tempted to answer the phone the same way out of habit. Hopefully people will just assume I mean...
February 2008
1 post
You say "tomato", I say "you're an idiot"
I’m sitting in a lecture and my professor keeps pronouncing W.E.B. Du Bois as “Du Bwa.” I could understand if this was a casual conversation, but you’re a college professor! And an African-American! Has the standard of education degraded so much in this country that this is acceptable?
WatchI’m not sure how I feel about the tiger carcasses or monkey bones, but I believe every American should have the right to bear arms.
January 2008
9 posts
Stupid Clash and their catchy tunes
Today while discussing the intricacies of sharia law in my Poli Sci class, for some reason, I started singing/muttering “Rock The Casbah” under my breath. People noticed. I should really consider taking better notes to occupy my time.
Jungle Love
Today in my jogging class (yes, jogging) we were discussing possible dangers of jogging. My classmates responses ran the gamut of what most suburban anglophiles could expect; dogbites, twisted ankles, getting lost, car accidents. Then it came to me. My input? “When my military unit was deployed in Kenya we had a running trail along the beach and through the jungle, one day a marine was...
In an elevator on the way to class today, Jason and I were laughing back and forth about something when this chick on the elevator says into her phone, “Yeah, I can’t hear you. I’m on an elevator.” It didn’t register a first, but I realized that since this elevator is made of mostly glass and outside, there’s no reception problem. I’m pretty sure what she...
We get over things pretty quickly
Vallejo: Dude I just heard Heath Ledger killed himself!
Me: I read they think it's drugs. Either way that sucks.
Vallejo: For sure that sucks he had like two young kids! Bummer!!
Me: At least he finished Batman.
Vallejo: Yeah!! It's gonna be so sick!!
“Maybe we couldn’t be so easily convinced to wage unnecessary wars if people...”
– Marco
Clothing: No Longer Optional
So I abandoned my new found exercise of sleeping in the nude. Not because it didn’t feel good, it was awesome, but because one of my many irrational fears is dying and having someone find me dead AND naked. Since I spend a good third of my day asleep it seemed like a pretty big risk to take. So now my naked time is reduced to an average of under an hour a day.
Call Vegas
Senator Joe Biden (D-De) will be the next Secretary of State.
December 2007
9 posts
“When you’re going through hell, keep going.”
– Winston Churchill
An Epicurean Quandary
Russ: I SO shoulda gotten down with your taco when I had the chance!
Suzie: I told you! I'm going to auction it off now
Russ: I just realized how dirty that sounds to someone who doesn't know whats going on
Suzie: Yea me too
Let's all go to the Planetarium!!
On my way out to meet some friends, I was listening to the radio and a promo started. The announcer said to come and see Pink Floyd like I’ve never seen them before. It was a promo for a laser light show. I thought to myself, “Isn’t that how everyone since 1976 has seen Pink Floyd?” Now if it was a drag queen and two midgets performing an interpretive dance to “Hole...
Two Burgles and Fries Please
I think we should change the word “burglarized” to “burgled”. As in “Jason, did you hear? Wyatt’s station wagon got burgled last night.” It just seems less violent and yet…tastier.
All Three Inches of Dangling Fury
I’m considering a switch from sleeping in boxers to sleeping naked. My only worry is that in the event my house gets burglarized, I’d end up running downstairs naked swinging a baseball bat. Maybe that sight alone would scare off a would-be criminal? Ok, probably not scare; but at least confuse him long enough for me to get a shot in.
“Your next action could change the world, so make it a good one.”
– The outgoing voice-mail message of my friend, Gershon, a Hasidic Jew living in Crown Heights, Brooklyn.
A complete list of things caused by global warming →
And I thought it was only the ice caps.
Take It Easy
I just realized that Foghat’s “Slow Ride” is not about driving a car slowly. It’s about sex!
November 2007
5 posts
Snubbed
People magazine released its annual “Sexiest Man Of The Year” award. I didn’t win. Again.
Take That You Evil SOB's! →
June 2007
8 posts
“Dude, it’s so hot. Why cant Washington D.C. be in L.A.?”
– David Vallejo while walking through D.C.
On The Holiest of the High Holy Days
Yesterday marked the 24 year anniversary of my glorious, yet wet and messy (and knowing my mother, profanity laced) entrance to the world. In deference to this momentous day, I held a secret contest to see who would be the first to wish me a “Happy Birthday” This year the title goes to: Desiree Wieters of San Antonio, Texas Congratulations Desi, your prize is the honor of holding the...
1 tag
Dodgers Win The Pennant! Dodgers win the Pennant!
I’m going to warn you ahead of time, this post references Myspace. I know what you’re thinking, “Russ, you aren’t a 16 year old girl.” But, bear with me. Most of the “friend” requests I receive are, for the most part, spam and I can usually weed these out pretty easily. Hot scantily clad women I’ve never met rarely want to be my friend. But today I...
Some advice for the menfolk
When in public, if you have the chance, use the ladies room. It’s always cleaner and sometimes has a couch.
“The future you have tomorrow won’t be the same future you had yesterday.”
– Chuck Palahniuk
Romance Languages
The word for gridlock in Italian is imbottigliamento. The word for egg sandwich is panino dell’uovo. That just sounds sensual. I could get laid just walking around talking about the breakfast I had while I sat in traffic.
Theory of Relativity
Apparently there is a theory that UFO’s are actually human tourists from the future and Jack the Ripper never died-he traveled back in time to kill his mother, to make himself immortal-and he is now the Pope.
Kinda makes my theory that one day Mandy Moore will fall in love with me not seem so far-fetched after all.